The Happiest Day of Your Life
by fictionalcandie
Summary: The happiest day of a person's life is supposedly their wedding day.... but what about your best friend's wedding day? [Oneshot.]


**Disclaimer:** JKR owns it all.

**Author's Notes:** Angsty and confused and not very good, sorry. Don't forget to review, though, and at least tell me what you think of Sirius's 'blessing'.

**o.o.o.o**

"Gentle ladies and men!"

Sirius was standing, tapping the champagne flute in his hand. There was a smile on his face, but something about it looked a little off; when regarded closely enough, it didn't quite seem to meet his eyes. Only James would ever have noticed.

"Gentle ladies and men," he said a second time, since he had everyone's attention. The awkward smile grew larger. "I believe it's time I gave a toast to these two people you see sitting next to me."

Sirius gestured at the bride and groom, and James tensed, even though he was grinning. He'd been dreading this part of the evening since the day he'd proposed.

"Yes, that's right, I'm about to horribly embarrass the best woman in England, and her husband. (I would, of course, say the best woman and the best man, but everyone knows that _I_ am the Best Man.)" This drew a chorus of laughs from the assembled guests. Sirius took a large swallow of his champagne and went on, "So, then. Time to sing praises to their horrible qualities and snicker at their good ones, don't you think?"

That didn't seem so bad, and James let himself relax and enjoy the show. Sirius continued along the same vein for a little while, apparently trying to make everyone laugh as much as possible. James watched with an indulgent grin, and though she was trying to glare disapprovingly, Lily couldn't keep her lips from twitching.

Then, after something he said drew some particularly loud chuckles, Sirius paused. He turned to face his best friend, abandoning the false smile he'd kept on his face since he started.

"I'm not going lie," he said in a softer voice, his solemn gray gaze locked with a hazel one. James tensed all over again, inexplicably sure that he wasn't going to like whatever the other man said next.

Sirius sighed, all but imperceptibly, barely more than a hastily expelled breath ghosting over somberly set lips. "I'm not going to lie and say I saw this coming. I should have, and I'm sure everyone else did, but I really didn't."

There was a silence in the room that extended to more than just the head table. Sirius looked away, seemingly choosing his next words with extra care. James looked away was well, focusing on the lavishly decorated table; he was very much not interested in hearing the (frighteningly convincing) forced cheerfulness in his best friend's voice.

"There's a war going on," Sirius continued at last. He swiftly swept his gaze once around the surprisingly crowded hall, then returned it to the newlyweds. "You all deserve some happiness. For your sakes, I'm glad you found each other. You will make each other far happier than even _you two_ deserve to be."

Nobody laughed this time; James didn't know if Sirius was joking, which meant it was impossible for anyone else to. The knots claiming his insides coiled more tightly.

Sirius's head jerked just as he cleared his throat -- he looked rather like a dog shaking off an unwanted leash -- and he proceeded with the part of his toast-speech that had obviously given him the most trouble.

"Lily and James Potter, on this -- the best of all days -- I wish you many things. I wish you joy, but never enough that you forget to be thankful you have it. I wish you luck, but never enough that you forget the value of talent. I wish you fortune, but never enough that you forget what it is to work for something. I wish you comfort, but never enough that you forget pain is real. I wish you health, but never enough that you forget man is mortal. I wish you warmth, but never so much that you forget those in the cold. I wish you children, but never so many that you forget what it is to be young."

There he paused, before finishing in oddly ringing tones, "Lastly, I wish you... forgetfulness."

Sirius tipped back his glass and finished his champagne. He kept his eyes closed, to block out the tears in them. There was applause all around him, and he used the sound to center himself. When he was sure the ache in his chest wouldn't show, he looked down and broke his empty glass against the side of the table, as if christening the maiden voyage of a ship.

"Congratulations," he whispered.

The bottom of James's stomach dropped out. Sirius stepped away from the table. As they watched him disappear, Lily leaned over to her new husband and whispered worriedly, "How much champagne has he had?"

"Not much," James assured her. Then he paused, thinking; they were married now, and it wouldn't do to start keeping secrets on their first day as man and wife. "... But he's got a flask of Firewhiskey in his pocket."

Lily stared at him, a tiny frown line appearing between her eyebrows.

"He's been drinking out of it since noon," James admitted. He was especially reluctant to say that part, because he knew she was going to ask...

"Since _noon_? I don't understand," she murmured, gripping his hand tightly. "Why?"

"Lily, your parents gave you away today, didn't they?" he asked. She nodded slowly. With a sigh, James jerked his head in the direction Sirius had just left, and said, "Well, Sirius gave me away."

"I... still don't understand."

James looked around the room, at all of the people celebrating their wedding. It wasn't the place for such a serious discussion. "Let's go outside."

She agreed, and he lead her away from the table. Once they were in the garden, he found a little stone bench backed by some bushes, far enough from the sounds of the celebrating going on within the building that it was only a vague suggestion of noise, and sat them down.

"Lily," he started to say, without knowing how to tell her the things he had to. Because he did have to, there was no question in his mind about that.

"When you say that Sirius gave you away, what do you mean?" Lily asked, more perplexed than curious.

James looked away from her, down at the bench. For several minutes, he didn't speak.

Lily collected both of his hands in hers, looking at him expectantly. "James?"

"I mean... just what I said, that he gave me up, so you could have me. No, not like _that_, get that look of your face, it's making my skin crawl." James paused to shudder dramatically. The leaves on the bushes rustled angrily, filling his pause with sound. "He gave me up, the way a man gives up his brother. Do you understand?"

"No," admitted Lily, who only had one sibling and didn't get along with her, shaking her head. "Not really."

"We promised each other, a long time ago, that we would always be there for each other," explained James, after thinking about it for awhile longer. He didn't feel he needed to mention that they'd both been completely smashed at the time, or that a week later Sirius had run away from home. "Even in the little things. Like sleeping on my couch all the time because he couldn't bear to spend the night all alone in his apartment. But now... since I've married you, that's going to change, by necessity. In many ways, you've just replaced him in my life. He knows it."

_He hates it._

Lily squeezed his hands. With her eyes she urged him to continue. James swore, pulling a hand away and raking it through his hair. He never thought he'd be having this conversation with anyone, much less Lily.

"He's always been first with me, you see. He's always _counted_ on being first with me, because he never was with anyone else." There was another, short pause as James considered whether he really wanted to do what he was about to.

There must have been a strange expression on his face, because Lily asked soothingly, "What is it, darling?"

"I'm going to tell you something now, that perhaps I shouldn't, but which you might as well know as not," a long pause, "because it could have kept us from being married at all."

Her mind racing to come up with anything that could have caused such a thing, Lily frowned. "Go on," she prompted quietly.

"I love you more that anything in the world, more than my life even." James let this sink in for a few beats, watching her smile beatifically, in that way he was sure only she could smile. He went on, "But if Sirius hadn't approved of you, if he'd asked me not to marry you -- I wouldn't have. Right up until we said our vows, the only thing he would have had to do to stop it was say one word. He didn't say it, of course, but he could have, and then I wouldn't have married you."

"You wouldn't have married me?" repeated Lily, slowly. There was still a faint frown line between her eyebrows, but other than that she looked quite calm.

Having expected a much stronger (and much angrier) reaction from her, James gave a mental sigh of relief as he nodded. "If he'd asked me not to."

Lily glanced down at where their left hands were joined in her lap, and then back up at his face. Still speaking slowly, she queried, "And Sirius knew this?"

"Yes. I told him so, right after I told him we were engaged," stated James, nodding again.

She supposed she should have been angry at this admittance, but strangely Lily wasn't. To James's surprise, she smiled gently and declared, "You are a very sweet man."

This didn't sit particularly well with her new husband, however.

"No. I'm cruel," he protested vehemently, unexpectedly leaping to his feet. "Sirius never said it, never tried to stop me, but I know he'd rather I hadn't married you. He's probably thought that one word over and over, every time he saw us together. I'm cruel, can't you see?"

Because she'd been the recipient of this sort of exclamation before, Lily's nerves remained collected. In a calm voice, she reasoned, "I don't see how that's cruelty, darling. You were making yourself happy, I know you were; you can't think he would wish you to do otherwise."

"I can! And I do. I am a cruel man, to have made myself so happy at his expense," snapped James. He ran his hands, both of them, through his hair several more times, as he began pacing a short circle in front of her.

"Well, if it was one of you or the other, choosing yourself sounds reasonable," said Lily, who didn't understand everything James meant. She admirably refraining from any eye rolling, even though he wouldn't have noticed it. "Don't you think?"

James rounded on her, and she expected to receive a glare from him. What she got, though, was a conflicted look of sadness and guilt. "Except Sirius doesn't have anyone else to make him happy, Lily. And he won't do it himself, because he doesn't think he deserves to be -- you heard him during his speech. And I went chose myself over him, even though he would have chosen me over himself in _anything_. I'm cruel, and I'm a coward."

This stopped Lily with a protest on her lips. Distracted, she demanded, "A coward? How do you mean?" She had never known him to be a coward... in fact, he was the bravest man she knew.

"I... Lily, I didn't tell him before I proposed," whispered James. "He didn't know at all, until after you'd accepted. Sirius would never ask me to give up something after I'd already committed myself to it, and I knew he wouldn't. I'm a coward, because I didn't give him an opportunity to disapprove of it until after I'd already made sure it was going to happen."

With his confession on its last legs, he muttered almost bitterly, "I knew he wouldn't ask me not to marry you -- I knew he wouldn't, because I never gave him the chance. Not really, anyway."

"Oh, James," said Lily, her voice very soft and sympathetic. He hung his head, ashamed of himself.

Lily stood and stepped up to him, a faint smile on her face. She tilted her head to meet his eyes even though he didn't move. With the back of her hand she caressed his cheek. James's eyes glittered when they looked into hers, so he closed them.

"If it counts for anything," Lily began, half-teasing, which brought his eyes open again, "_I'm_ not sorry you didn't give him a chance to stop you."

The sound of his breath catching was audible. "Lily..."

"Our wedding has been the happiest moment of my life so far," she said, her voice admirably level. "I couldn't possibly regret anything that brought it about. In fact, I thank you for not letting Sirius sabotage this happiness."

If James winced slightly at what she said about his best mate, nobody else noticed.

"I'm so glad I married you, Lily," announced James almost defiantly, raising his chin. The set of his jaw, his tone, the way his eyes were shining... it was enough to tell her that he truly meant what he was saying. "I've never been so proud of anything I've done. I've never loved anyone as much as I do you."

She sighed happily and cupped his face in her hands. There was a smile on her lips as she breathed fervently, "I love you."

James's lips parted happily, though he didn't say anything. No words had ever sounded so wonderful before.

At the same moment, she stood on her tiptoes and he bent his head. Their lips met, and there was a heat between them that had never before been so deep or so strong. He wrapped his arms around her waist, delighting in the feel of her Muggle wedding gown against his skin. Her arms were around his neck, the fingers of one hand threaded in his already messy hair.

"Let's go back inside," Lily suggested after they broke apart. She was smiling so widely she seemed to be glowing. "We have guests, you know. And anyway, it looks like it's going to storm."

"All right," agreed James, a slightly breathless quality to his voice. He stood and offered her his arm, beaming.

Once the door had closed behind them, the bushes next to the bench rustled, and Sirius crawled out. He was alone in the dark again. Eyes streaming and expression hollow, he sat back on the bench and lit another cigarette. The large Firewhiskey flask that he dropped next to his feet was empty, but he would have conjured another if he'd had the energy.

The first raindrops started to fall, and he closed his eyes gratefully.

_**fin**_


End file.
